Honkology 101 – Indian Edition!

26 Dec

The other day, I caught myself red handed at red traffic signal honking for no obvious reasons. “What was that for?” asked the other me from the rear view mirror. Before I started thinking for an excuse, I realized my first mistake of not making rear view mirror face where it is actually supposed to. After pondering over the actual question for a while I realized that I indeed had a reason to honk. I along with other fellow drivers were unconsciously honking at a van  who was 3.5 cars ahead, at the front of the signal. The van had not moved a bit  even after 30 milliseconds the signal had turned red for perpendicular traffic, and was real close to green signal for us. The guy sure deserved to be honked at, but no one was certain if the message got communicated in timely manner. Moreover, everyone joining the band honk wagon from all possible directions does not make it pleasant orchestra to concert-master, the traffic police guy.

We in India honk for thousands of reasons (or no reasons) and plain honks provided to us are just not enough. We need variety and standards to communicate our intentions to others on the road. For this public cause, I decided to indite few reasons to honk and crowd-source the remaining. Who knows, may be one day automobile manufacturers will act upon it and provide us variety.

So, here I, the Indian driver go.

2) I am honking because you asked me to. At the back of your vehicle it says “Horn OK Thankyou Please”.

3) At a traffic signal, I need to ask this auto guy to drift 5 inches to the left so that I can move 7 inches ahead and closer to the signal.

4) To tell this Tata-Sumo not to touch the back of my car so publicly, at traffic signal. My car really feels embarrassed.

5) I need kids-mode of honk in my motorbike. My 2 years old need something to play when he is sitting on petrol tank of bike. It’s hard to keep this kid occupied when I am on the phone and my wife busy with other two kids on the pillion seat.

6) I want that scooty lady to know how I fell in love with her at last traffic signal.

7) I need to tell the auto-guy not to stop right in middle of my lane (to load 6 more bodies), when the fast lane is free.

8) To convey the oncoming traffic that there are cops, just up ahead this side of the road.  Please keep your wallet handy.

9) I am late to office and am just thinking LOUD for an excuse to my boss.

10) I want my vehicle to honk few nice words upon hitting sudden bumps and potholes so that I don’t have to.

11) I occasionally need to whistle command the cattle to go off the road. Sometimes we need to get the bull by our horn.

12) I am on my regular route and need to say “Hi” to roadside buddies.

13) I need to be able to voice honk my democratic rights when I am driving in opposite direction on a one-way road.

14) While overtaking on a narrow road, I need to tell the guy coming from front to move somewhere (actually wherever). It’s really frustrating when people don’t understand why I am blinking the headlights.

15) I am an NRI driving back in India and the only people following traffic rules are other NRIs.

16) I need to communicate to the truck guy driving at 10 km/h that fast lane he is on is for a slightly higher speed vehicle.

If you are still wondering where 1) is, please go back to the beginning of the post.

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One Response to “Honkology 101 – Indian Edition!”

  1. Anonymous Kumar January 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm #

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